A mother's love is unique. I want to share my story with all the mothers who have felt like they failed at some point. When I was 23 years old, I was struggling with addiction to crystal meth when I found out I was pregnant with my oldest son. I was scared and didn't know how to be a loving mother because I didn't love myself. My addiction led me to a difficult path where I gave birth prematurely and my son had to spend the first 6 months of his life in the hospital due to medical complications.

Despite my challenges, I tried to do my best to care for my son, but my addiction landed me in prison for 18 months. After getting out, I worked hard to turn my life around and lived a successful and happy life for a while. However, my addiction resurfaced, leading to a divorce and another pregnancy where I relapsed.

My second son was born healthy but tested positive for methamphetamine at birth, leading to a difficult journey with Child Protective Services. I eventually sought treatment and worked hard to regain custody of my son. However, a judge sentenced me to a lengthy prison term, causing me to lose custody of my second son.

Despite the challenges, I continued to work on myself while in prison and made the decision to start fresh in Las Vegas after my release. Within a year, I accomplished my goals and even found out I was pregnant with a baby girl. I gave birth to a healthy girl in 2023 and now cherish every moment with her.

Through all the difficulties and setbacks, I have learned to be strong and resilient as a mother. I have faced hardships but have never given up on myself or my children. I may not have started out as a strong mom, but I have learned to be MOM STRONG. No matter how tough life gets, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Stay strong and never give up.

-Bossy

There is no love like a mother’s love. With that being said, I’d like to reach out to all those mothers who have at least once felt like they failed… Here’s my story.

I was 23 years old and active in my addiction to crystal meth when I first because pregnant with my oldest son. At the time I didn’t have any love for myself so I knew absolutely nothing about being a loving mom. Being scared is an understatement. I numbed my pain with drugs.

I went into labor at 28 weeks, was airlifted to a hospital that specialized in children’s medicine, was put on all types of medication to stop my contractions and strengthen the baby’s tiny lungs to prepare him for birth. Chances were slim. I gave birth at 29 weeks.

My son was born weighing in at 3 pounds and quickly transported to the neonatal intensive unit-where he lived for the first 6 months of his life. He was diagnosed with (in layman’s terms) “short-gut syndrome.” In other words his intestines was not fully formed so they had to take out 36cm and reattach at incision points. He was fed three a feeding tube through his nose so that he could absorb all the nutrients he needed to survive. And because of his feeding tube, he did not develop the natural ability to suck on a bottle; he had to learn how to after 6 months.

Despite his maldevelopment, he was a happy baby when he finally came home. I did my best, with the help of my mom, to care for him and his medical needs. But my addiction was alive and stronger than ever. It was the most confusing and frustrating time in my life: I knew I loved this baby-my first born child, but I didn’t know how much power the drugs had over me. My addiction landed me in prison for 18 months.

I came out of prison and was ready to live a life of sobriety with my son (who was being cared for by my mom while I was away) and my new fiance (not my son’s father). I got into Drug Court and did all my mandated classes, worked full time, and enrolled as a full time college student. Life was starting to look bright. In my first years of sobriety I had accomplished a lot. I was an honor society member, made the deans list several times, won multiple educational achievement awards and scholarships, enrolled my son into a private school and attended all of his sporting events, got married, landed a good paying job in my career choice, traveled around the country, and lived a happy and prosperous life.

But my happily ever after came to abrupt stop when my urges became too big for me to contain. It started with alcohol. And ended with a divorce.

At age 31, I met the father of my second son. At this point I was almost 7 years into my sobriety. I was still hard-headed and naive about recovery. I thought that I could change a man by loving him so much I would do anything for him. It eventually led me to go back to using drugs at 6 months pregnant.

My second son was born at 34 weeks, premature but healthy at 7lbs 7oz. At birth he tested positive for meth amphetamine and Child Protective Services was called in. I was not allowed to have my baby in my room, nor could I see him or hold him until CPS approved it under supervision. I went home empty handed. Still stuck in my addiction, I initially refused treatment and tried to fight the system. It wasn’t until I got arrested again before I gave in. I was released on bond and went straight into a treatment for mothers and babies. It was a 4 month program and after completing it, I got to take my son home (my oldest son was placed with his father by the time I finished the program). In a happy bliss, I had blocked out the possibility of going back to prison (I was still out on bond). I went about my days thinking that things would be okay.

When the day of my sentencing arrived, I was ill-prepared for what was to come. The judge, knowing me from my previous charge, did not take things lightly. He was disappointed and appeared to want to make an example out of me. He sentenced me to a twenty-year prison term with conditions that I could be released on probation after doing some of my time and agreeing to not get into more trouble with the law.

Worried that I would lose my son I agreed and started my prison sentence with the hope of unifying with both my sons at the end of 30 months. Just before my time was up, the State decided to terminate my parental rights for my now 2 year baby. I had one more month until I was released… I was devastated. I felt like I had nothing to look forward to. Words can’t even describe…

My son’s father’s family adopted him. We did not have an amicable relationship, so I did not get to bond with my son when I got out of prison. My older son was living with his father still, but I was able to have contact and visited whenever I could. I still felt empty and alone, and had no where to turn to but my old way of living.

It wasn’t long after I went back to my addiction that I picked up another charge and violated my terms of my probation. This time I knew I was gone for good, I wouldn’t see my older son graduate school.

I now had State and Federal drug charges. I would face both terms concurrently-a 7 year Federal term and a 20 year State term. I did my time in a federal facility in Texas. While incarcerated, I took every opportunity to better myself. I refused to continue losing in life, losing out on my son’s life, and never reaching the potential that I know in my heart that I wield.

My first major decision coming out of prison was to move away from where I I kept getting into trouble. I needed a fresh start with my new focus. I moved to Las Vegas with my brother. My goal was to get a job, start my own business, bring my (now adult son) to live with me, attempt to communicate with my other son, and live a life of sobriety and happiness.

Within a year, I accomplished all those things. Who would have known what could come next?!

At age 43 I found out I was pregnant. I was given a 3 rd chance of being a mother, this time to a baby girl. I gave birth in 2023, at the age of 44, to a healthy, drug-free baby girl. I was able to hold her after delivery and keep her in my hospital room. I got to take her home after discharge and breast feed her in my bed. I have spent every moment in awe studying her every noise and every move. I was in love ❤️

Today I must remember where I came from and what I don’t want to go back to. My first son had medical complications, my second son was adopted out. I fought to stay in their lives and have a beautiful relationship with both! And now I have the blessing to raise a beautiful little girl. I may not have started out as a Strong Mom, but I have definitely learned to be MOM STRONG! Never ever give up on yourself… in the midst of your deepest despair there is always light at the end of the tunnel. always, always stay Mom-Strong!